Did i ever tell you about how i survived Pearl Harbor? The year was 1941 December 6, My buddies and i would strap land mines onto other peoples chairs. We decided that we wanted to see some action so we called the Japs and told them to bomb us. The next day the Japs arrived. After my Jewish/Islamic/soka shlavekian/ Jewish friend got bombed to kingdom come, we had to rely on ground forces. After an hour of fighting, i ran out of amo. i saw a dead japanese body and decided to raid it. All i found was 6 katanas. I grabbed them all and went back into action. I saw the commanding ship and made that my goal to take down. i hopped onto a plain using my katanas as helicopter blaids. i then hijacked the plain and went strait too the command ship. I crash landed but somehow survived. I lost my legs in the process so i added the latest augmentations. Using my katanas and my new augs, i fought my way through my ship. In the end i found out Abraham Lincoln, my father, was the commander. We ended up having a giant ass anime fight but in the end i won. I reported back to my commander who rewarded me and sent me away. I decided that there must be more justice to do. I named myself captain katana and set out as a new bounty hunter -Elias Goldberg Copy right to elias goldberg

Captain Katana


Alias Captain Katana
Gender Male
Status Dead
Affiliation Superhomeys
First Appearance D is for Dissed



Powers and AbilitiesEdit

Captain Katana's arms and legs have been replaced by katanas. The source of his powers is apparently a magic katana driven into the top of his skull. His powers allow him to control the katanas serving as his arms and legs, and prevent the katana in his skull from causing him any pain.


D is for Dissed
While he doesn't actually appear, Captain K simultaneously wins Dancin' With the Superheroes and pisses off Sistah Spooky.

Captain Katana's first actual appearance is at the Capeys in Because This Is What I Am. He is accepting a Capey for "Best Team Performance in a Non-Terrestrial Conflict" when he is afflicted by the null field of the pieces of Wet Blanket that dWARf! spiked the food with. With his powers neutralized, he is rendered helpless and in pain from the sword in his head.

Captain Katana appears again as a member of the superhero team sent against Willy Pete in Say That I Deserve This. He, along with most other members of the team, are immolated and killed within seconds.


  • While a bit of a stretch, consider the massive sideburns, a westerner with roots in Japanese culture, and metal driven into his skeleton. In these terms, Wolverine springs to mind.